woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
