Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
