I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
