Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dignity is for republicans.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
