hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
