my vag is so smooth its legendary
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
