I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
