OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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