Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
