Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
