how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
