I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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