I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
