and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
