I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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