It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
