hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
