I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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