I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
