wat bout pragnant strippers??
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
