i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
