So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I woke up under a house in Key West
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