Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Drunk is a universal language darling
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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