The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
