Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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