yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
