just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So squirting runs in the family.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
