Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
