I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
