theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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