let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
