happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
