He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He felt like a one man threesome
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
