Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
vagina is talking i cant
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
