this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
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Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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