You're so nebulous sometimes
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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