i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
