it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
