If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
