he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
