So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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