Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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