ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
