better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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