why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
