Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Still dying that you shit outside
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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