I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm passing your future prison.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
