i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
