I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
