There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
