Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
