Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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