SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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