went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
