Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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