idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
