I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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