I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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