All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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