i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
