I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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