i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
