Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
