Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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