I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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