look no pants
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
