So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
