This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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