I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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