i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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