just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We are all done wearing pants today
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
