bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
