I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
