You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
