My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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