Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
